Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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