we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
