We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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