Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
