He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
