I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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