I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
