I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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