hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
