i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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