i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize