Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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