One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
