so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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