First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
