Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
