whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
