i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
