i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize