i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
