Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
