i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
