Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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