i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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