i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
