guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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