I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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