I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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