i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
