she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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