saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
