she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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