I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
