sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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