I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
