Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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