i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
