it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
