like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
