you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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