If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i dont even know how to be here
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
