Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
