oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
