Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
