the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
