you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
