You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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