this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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