hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
