This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she peed on how many people?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
