ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize