hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
