did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
