Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
