I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
