i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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