The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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