Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
