please come you make the beer taste better
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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