I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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