This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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