I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
