bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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