That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
NoShamevember. You game?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
