mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize