i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
