I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
