Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
