thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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