i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
