I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
